Building Rapport in Social Work

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Building Rapport

This article takes as its starting point this simple fact, drawn from Yapko (1989): People will do things when they are on their own, that they would not do when another person is around. By this I mean that it is not a question of whether you will influence your client - but rather a question of how you will influence them. It is not possible to prevent communication. Even a client labelled as 'uncommunicative' is communicating something to you. What could that be?

Often in social work we will come across clients who have been labelled as 'not responding to services' or 'unwilling to engage with services'. My belief is that it is usually not the services that clients have a problems with, they don't have a relationship with 'services', they have a relationship with people. It is the communication styles of the people who represent those services that creates resistance or at its best, does nothing to dissolve resistance.

Rapport is about dissolving resistance and allowing people to engage in 'change work' (for want of a better phrase) This is a massive subject of interest to a wide variety of people including social workers, managers and therapists of any discipline. People who want to sell us something or somebody or who is trying to seduce us in any other way will want to dissolve any resistance and build rapport. Politicians are usually masters of building rapport. How often have you heard somebody say of a politician that on television they come across as creepy but when you meet him in the flesh he is a really nice guy?

This is article is actually a rather long exploration of something that comes quite naturally to many workers. We will explore the practice and purpose of building rapport in some detail, but actually doing it is really quite easy and a functional level of rapport can built extremely quickly in most cases, even with the most 'resistant' of clients.

How I came to Rapport

As a professional social worker I was often in the position of having to very quickly get people to the point of making real changes in their lives before somebody was harmed. I observed many workers trying to get people to change, simply by instructing them to do things differently, it was obvious that this was not working. Workers went home stressed and afraid, clients sometimes appeared to comply in the short term out of fear of the consequences, but as soon as the worker went away they would revert to established behaviours that were functional for them, they would then ‘put on a show’ whenever the worker or one of his cohort was around. This authoritative method of intervention made people resistant and forced them to be dishonest in order to protect themselves.

Adams (1996) talks about Authoritative and Facilitative styles of work. Authoritative work is confronting and involves the overt exercise of control, the worker takes responsibility on behalf of the client. Authoritative workers would have much less interest in building rapport and their non-verbal communication sends a clear message that: 'I have no interest in you as a person or in helping you to develop, my only interest is whether you are able to conform to my expectations or not'. Workers can prevent clients from making changes by being authoritative - authoritative work with clients creates resistance.

Facilitative work involves building rapport. The sole therapeutic purpose of building rapport is to overcome resistance. Facilitative work overcomes resistance and creates honesty, it is cathartic and supportive, clients are more autonomous and take responsibility for their own change. Workers empower clients to change by facilitating that change - empowering workers work in ways that facilitate change.

Having a background in hypnosis I understood the importance of rapport in overcoming resistance and engaging clients. I spent some time exploring how this could be applied to the work of social workers. I came across Motivational Interviewing (MI) which gave me a large number of clues about working with people who are resistant or ambiguous, and Brief Solution Focussed Therapy (BSFT) which brought me even closer by exploring peoples strengths and goals, Milton Eriksons indirect approach and particularly his understanding of the importance of non-verbal communication and utilisation gave me a few more clues.

Communication

Rapport is the foundation of communication. If we are going to enter into any kind of therapeutic work with another human being, we need to develop an alliance, a feeling that we are going to do this together in a warm, understanding and caring way and that we are willing to understand the world the client lives in. Once we have rapport with another person, we have a communication style that is harmonious to both parties, we conform with each other, there is a sense of affinity and agreement, we do not have to actually agree on everything, but we do have to find areas that we can agree on. Rapport is about trust and confidence ... if somebody is going to want to join with you in a therapeutic alliance, they are going to have to trust you and as the professionals in this dyad, we are the ones who need to do the work that builds the trust.

In hypnosis we tend to use rapport to a greater degree than many other kinds of professionals. We work with non-verbal signals to enable a person to relax and begin to enter trance. You can have a person to enter trance just by using rapport, but maybe more of that later.

Non-Verbal Communication

You build rapport through your control of yourself, your breathing, eye contact, posture and your use of language. If you like to indulge in people watching, or have read material on non-verbal communication, you will be aware that when human beings interact they express themselves through posture. Watch people in a restaurant or bar, and you will see that people who are really communicating, who are 'on the same wavelength' will copy each other's gestures and posture. It is common to see people who are good friends or engaged on a common task adopting the same attitudes, the same head positions, walking, talking and moving in identical ways. This is a basic means whereby human beings tell each other that they are in agreement with each others ideas and attitudes. Human beings can recognise this rapport immediately, it is part of our inbuilt survival strategy.

When a salesman/woman, journalist, therapist, counsellor or social worker wants to quickly build a professional rapport with a client, s/he mirrors the client, adopting their posture and language patterns. You can also reverse the effect by taking a position which is at odds with the body language of the other person. If someone appears very tense and you spread yourself across their sofa, this will be seen as inappropriate and domineering. On the other hand if they are relaxed and you sit tightly with a clipboard on your lap, you assume a position of authority, you will appear judgemental and they will feel frozen out and will soon begin to mirror your behaviour defensively. Without rapport both parties are easily aware that communication is not really happening and communication will be guarded.

Rapport, How you do it

Mirroring

Building rapport is about human communication, it ebbs and flows, first one way and then the other. We all do it, all the time, with loads of different people, and we all have different ways of doing it. What I am suggesting here is one process that you can chose to use, or not to use. Some of the concepts might seem a little contrived, but if you reflect on them you will see that what I am suggesting that you consciously do, is nothing more than what most of us do subconsciously when we align ourselves with other people.

Building and using rapport has two stages, Mirroring (sometimes called 'pacing') and Leading. Mirroring is the phase of 'getting into alignment' with the other, building trust, developing an open an honest style of communication and preparing the ground for effective change work. We then move on to leading, taking the other on a journey, moving together towards a goal upon which we can both agree. Without the Mirroring phase, the leading phase will not work, we will be perceived as being directive, we will have no common goal and no sense of agreement and so we will plant the seeds of resistance.

We always begin by mirroring. We begin our relationship by behaving in a way which encourages the other person to trust and accept us. Mirroring not only has a powerful effect on others, it also effects you, it enables you to achieve a profound level of empathy with other human beings, you begin to understand their world.

The goal of mirroring is to establish rapport so that you are then able to lead the other person in the direction you want him / her to go.

Observe

In order to mirror you need to observe the other person. Sit in a place where you can easily watch the other person without causing discomfort. Your peripheral vision is particularly good at picking up non-verbal cues so I like to sit at about 45 degrees to the person I am working with.

Breath

Watch the client's breathing and as you watch begin to mirror it. You will learn a lot about how people feel by doing this. If their breathing is tense, fast and at the top of the lungs you can mirror it while you align and build rapport in the other areas.

Posture

We need to observe posture too and begin to mirror that too then gently leading in the direction you want to go. For example if a person is sitting very tightly and defensively, you may want to mirror that too.

Listen

Volume

Someone who speaks softly will appreciate someone else who speaks softly. Likewise someone who speaks loudly will often have more respect for you and will recognise a kindred spirit if you match their volume.

Language

The words and phrases that people use give us information about their lives and worlds. The images they use key us into their inner lives. If you can comfortably accept and use these words and phrases and images, you tell people that you understand them and they can trust you. Relax a bit and talk like the people you are with and you'll see that they'll respond more positively towards you. They'll appreciate you more, you'll dramatically increase your effectiveness in getting their co-operation. It is important that you can do this comfortably, it needs to be congruent with who you are as well as with who they are.

Build rapport by trying to use ordinary language, incorporating their words, phrases, and images into your conversation but only if it sits comfortably with you. Don't use language that is not congruent with you or your culture, you don't want to end up looking like a Tory politician at an inner city youth club - e.g.: "Yo homie, lets rap about how you and me can work together to solve your enuresis problem!" Avoid using jargon that the other person may not understand, oh, and don't try to look clever. Be who you are, don't hide behind your profession or qualifications.

Rate of Speech

Listen to the rate of people's speech and reproduce it in your conversations with them. After a short while, you'll find that you can do this without even thinking about it, maybe that you are already doing it with people. The aim is to do it without conscious effort, so that it becomes an automatic part of your behaviour.

Mirroring opinions and beliefs

How far can we go with mirroring? Well you don't have to pretend to believe things that you don't believe, you don't have to pretend to be who you are not, this is not about being dishonest. On the contrary it is about taking down the barriers that you have, that prevent them from communicating, it is about truly engaging and creating space for the other person to communicate who they are, without you blocking them. When you show this openness and honesty it enables others to feel that it's okay to be honest too.

If somebody says something that you disagree with, jumping in with your disagreement will doom your attempts at rapport and create resistance in the client. Create and build rapport by validating their opinion, understand and agree with them that that is how they feel. Find a point that you do agree on and then lead them to consider other possibilities. At this early stage it is important to build rapport and co-operation, and is far easier to move from agreement > agreement instead of disagreement > agreement.

People are often ambiguous about change. Change often means loss of some sort, change can be far more frightening than the known but dysfunctional. The drinker who stops drinking may lose a large part of his life, not everything about the 'problem' is dysfunctional. Some parts of it may be very important to the wellbeing of the individual. For example not being alone, filling time, going to particular places. People will come up with arguments why they should not change, they should be allowed to do this, if you argue against them, they will see you as taking a position on the ‘no’ side of the scales, they will naturally look to achieve a balance and take the opposite argument. On the other hand of course you would not want to mirror these particular arguments. MI suggests that you 'roll' with the resistance to change and agree that change is difficult and then focus on the benefits and difficulties of change. BSFT would focus on exploring the positive aspects of change. I would suggest that in fact the arguments against change can be your greatest allies at this early stage. They let you know that there is a balance, there are arguments on both sides of change which create a dilemma. Your task when mirroring is to acknowledge this balance and its dilemma and mirror the clients concerns and fears.

Obviously, I really hope that it goes without saying that you do not mirror people's accents, their jargon, stuttering, limping, breathing problems, sniffling, chain smoking, nervous tics and idiosyncratic mannerisms. Don't agree with things that you don't agree with, just don't build resistance by directly disagreeing. If people are resistant, do not mirror or address it head on, flow with it until you find a point of agreement and then flow together. There is usually plenty to find that you can agree with so that you can align yourself and establish common ground.

Test For Rapport

Test to see if you really are in rapport, start by synchronising with their posture, mirror for a short while and then move, change your posture and see if they respond. Their response could be to mirror you, or they could simply respond by making themselves more comfortable and restore balance to the system. They don't have to mirror you exactly, remember you are doing this consciously, they are not, and so what you are looking for is a complimentary response.

During all of this activity whilst you were mirroring, you will have been talking and listening to your client, taking the case, understanding what they want to get out of their work with you, exploring with them your perceptions of that, reflecting your understanding of what they are telling you, asking questions which increase your understanding and talking about your role, explaining the process. During all this talk you will have been mirroring and using language appropriate to the client and building rapport. By this time, if you have been mirroring and building that rapport, trance is inevitable. In fact you both may well be in a light trance already.

Leading

When you're in rapport with another person, the next step you take they are likely to follow it. When you have achieved rapport with someone, the next step you take they are apt to follow. You can begin to model an alternative behaviour, slow down your breathing if need be, relax your posture and their posture too will relax, their breathing will slow and you will know that you are communicating, sharing that persons world and are now beginning to lead.

When you're with someone you are either mirroring (doing something similar) or leading (doing something different). There are no other possibilities.

 
Builds Empathy

While you are mirroring you will find that your thought processes alter, you will begin to empathise with that person and develop a greater understanding of that person’s mind and the world they inhabit. You will notice that you have become attuned to the other persons way of speaking, thinking, and behaving that you are able to understand much more deeply, where they are coming from and this will help you to engage the person in a change process. In fact without your being aware of it, the change process has already begun.

If your objective is to persuade, to bring people to a new awareness, then you must lead. The strategy is to mirror then lead. A major objective of mirroring is to so closely match the other person's experience so that the distinction between what they're doing and what you're doing becomes blurred at an unconscious level. Mirroring creates a harmonious climate for your ideas and suggestions because you are accepting the other person. Your acceptance leads to their acceptance of you. Mirroring reduces resistance because - no matter what they do - you can synchronise, go with the flow and then redirect it. Go to meet the person where they are and then suggest some new options. This enables you to successfully lead them into new areas of experience, into thinking about things differently, into trying new things, into accepting the suggestions that you make. Communication reaches a higher plane and becomes a delicate and subtle dance where first one of you leads and then the other until by negotiation you reach a place where you are both comfortable with the relationship and the outcome. This approach works more frequently and more effectively than any other. Sometimes it's not appropriate to lead quickly, sometimes it's wiser to back off and not to lead at all, sometimes you will find that clients will lead and if they are leading in a direction that you want to go in, then you let them. Different situations will dictate different approaches.

When mirroring someone you also do significant things to and for yourself. Mirroring will take the attention off yourself. You don't have to worry about what to do with your hands or feet, how to sit, how fast to move, at what rate to speak, what level of vocabulary to use and so on. You take the cues from the other person and get in synch with him or her. When you act like another person, you begin to feel many of that person's feelings. One advantage of this is that you begin to know intuitively what to to do next and where your work needs to go.

Practice

As with any new skill, mirroring is something that comes easily after you practice it  Every day, whenever you remember, practice mirroring some aspect of the people around you, or even on the television. Think about posture, speech volume, rate of speech,

Summary,

• Use active listening skills to hear what they are saying

• Make empathic statements, that demonstrate you understand their situation and needs.

• Ask them questions about their views, or the problems they see, or the reservations they have

• Taking an interest in the whole person, and their wider interests, not just their work or the task they are currently working on.

• Find things that you have in common and talk about them

• Find things they are proud of and talk about them

How long does it take?

Building rapport with a stranger starts to happen as soon as you meet, and it continues to grow. At the later stages it becomes a dance as you go backward and forwards depending on who is leading. A full working level of rapport can be achieved with some people within 30 seconds, usually it takes about 30 minutes. Over the years I have worked with hundreds, maybe thousands of clients, violent men, abusers, rapists, murderers, thieves, prostitutes, heroin users, children, people with severe learning difficulties, adolescents and people with severe anxiety problems and deep seated fears of men. Apart from some early mistakes on my part, I have nearly always been able to build a functional level of rapport. In those cases when I could not build rapport, it was my lack of experience or my fear that made it impossible, apart from in two cases when working with people with drink problems who were so drunk every time that I saw them that sensible communication was impossible.

If you want to change someone else's behaviour, the best approach is to change your own. The resulting change in the system will often prompt the other person to change themselves in order to re-establish the balance and the illusion of control.

References:

Adams, Robert, (1996), Social work and Empowerment, Macmillan.

Allen, Roger P. (1997) Scripts and Strategies in Hypnotherapy, Vol 1. Crown House Publishing UK.

Coryton Hammond Ph.D. D. (1990) Handbook of Hypnotic Suggestions and Metaphors WW Norton, New York.

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All material is Copyright Mark Hamer 2006.