Manage and change children

Manage and change children's behaviour

to create a happier family life.

The Rules

FREE download!

This little book is full of tried and tested techniques, ideas and skills that can help parents to set clear boundaries and improve communication and so lower the emotional temperature in the home, building the foundations for a happier home life. It is written to appeal to parents and covers information which is vital for all social workers working with parents. It has been called the missing chapter from my book 'Preventing Breakdown' (pub 2005 Russell House). Make your life easier and save time looking for resources by making copies as you need to use as handouts.

The Rules has 48 A4 Pages covering subjects like: Children’s needs, Why having rules is important, Getting on your nerves is normal, Why children ‘misbehave’, Children like having clear rules, Children will argue about the rules, Giving positive attention increases ‘good’ behaviour, The important difference between giving children things and giving them your time, Should they be grateful, Positive messages, The importance of keeping promises, The importance of being clear, Planning to change behaviour, Negotiating, Being assertive and applying your rules, Moods are catching, The Broken Record Technique, Diverting, Paraphrasing, Getting support, Backing up your words with actions, Using time out and other consequences, Giving choices, Looking after yourself, Bad foods and good foods.

I am a social worker (BA Hons, DipSW, MA, RSW) I have worked as a social worker and therapist with families facing problems since 1985. This book has come directly out of that work. The book started off as a set of handouts and lesson plans that I devised to use with groups and individuals. Over the years it has grown. The information in this book has been successfully used by hundreds of different families with a variety of different parenting problems. There is nothing new or groundbreaking in here, actually it is full of well known, tried and tested ideas that have been promoted by professionals for years, it is just all in one place.

I have aimed this book at parents. I wanted to write a small book that was cheap and easy to use and I looked for a publisher. A couple of publishers were interested in the idea but they wanted me to make it bigger and more expensive. That didn’t fit in with my ideas, I wanted this to be something that could be provided as cheaply as possible to parents. So I decided to publish it myself and after selling it for a while on my website I decided to give it away to social workers so that they could give it to families. That way families get to use it for free.

I have been using and developing the contents in this book for some years. I felt that this was a resource that could be well used by other professionals so feel free to print off just the pages that you want and use them with your clients in whatever creative ways you can come up with.

This is a PDF of 48 pages that I will email to you. You can print as many copies as you like or photocopy it and give away copies to parents or other workers. The only thing I ask of you is that you do not change or edit it in any way.

If you have suggestions or comments about what you think of this book, or how it could be improved please send them to me. I am happy to make additions or alterations (and of course give you credit for them).

    'I really enjoyed reading this. It is filled with excellent advice for parents. Thank you for the book, it will be very valuable to me working with families ... I can tell you that your book touched on almost every 'goal' we make with families who need more structure in the home...' Kim, MSW, Family Preservation Specialist, Wilmington, North Carolina.

'A colleague showed me a copy of 'The Rules' I found it accessible and a very useful resource for families ... we are in the process of developing a parenting strategy ... your approach seems like something we should be considering...' Maggie, Salford City Council.

    ' ... well written, not too complex or too long. I deliver parenting courses and I am also a parent ... I will definitely find the material useful and I was interested to read your tactics about “the broken record” syndrome'. Helen, Home Start, Watford.

    'Fantastic - a really good, non-threatening practical guide - will share this with my team'. Kath, Team Manager, Assessment Team in the North East of England.

    '... Hi there, I am a mother of a 5 year old boy. I was handed a copy of your book 'The Rules' by and educational support worker at my son's school as we are experiencing behavioural problems with him and I just wanted to write to you to thank you for giving families like mine hope. I was really feeling down about my child's behaviour and didn't know which way to turn or what to do to try and fix it. ... I could not have taken the first step without the encouragement and motivation that I gained from your book. ... this book has really opened my eyes and my heart.' Carol, a parent.

    'I feel I must let you know how your wonderful book 'The Rules' is helping to change the lives of families I am working with and they just love it! So do I because it's such a pleasure to me to see people growing before my very eyes!

The book is so easy for people to read, understand and identify with, and the improvements in behaviour and relationships generally are felt quite quickly, which encourages them to keep up the new, positive ways of thinking and being. The adults are passing the word on to their friends too, so I'm making copies freely available to anyone who's interested.' Sarah, Family Support Worker at a Children's Centre in Suffolk.

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