Kids Need...
By Mark Hamer
Parenting Cards for Families and the People who Work
With Them
Jessica Kingsley 2008.
52 Cards and 32pp booklet
ISBN 978 1 84310 524 4
A creative approach
What is the difference between
children’s needs’ and ‘wants’? How should parents respond to the demands of
their children? Do all children need the same things?
Published Reviews for
Kids Need...
Social Work in Action
December 2009
… Developed
by Mark Hamer, a solution focused social worker and therapist, Kids Need …
Parenting Cards for Families and the People who Work with Them is a
comprehensive and user friendly tool to help practitioners and parents explore
their understanding of what children need. Kids Need … is accessible ( a set of
cards and written instruction booklet) and adaptable across a range of needs or
issues, and could be used by any professional working with parents and families
and also by parents themselves.
Within our
Family Support team we used this in individual work with a couple who have mild
to moderate learning disability and, as there was a literacy issues to consider,
this was an ideal approach to promote effective communication. Using this visual
technique, we were able to look at their different priorities and the roles and
responsibilities they each undertook in the family in a way that felt
appropriate and relevant to their understanding. The feedback from both parents
was that they found this easy to work with; it helped them to talk to each
other, and was also extended to reflect what adults needed in relationships.
In another
family where Mum has two young children, post-natal depression and one child
living elsewhere, she told us that this method was an easier way for her to
discuss what she needed to provide for her children rather than talking about
it ‘without the cards’. She recognised that she had not a lot of these things as
a child and she could reflect on how this might link to her parenting style. We
also used this resource as an interactive tool in a secondary school Health Fair
to focus pupils in year 9 on these issues, with interesting debates started from
whether kids need … to go to school whether they want to or not, pocket money or
to get things wrong. We found that the cards were a positive way to gain quite a
depth of understanding, and through using the resource in different ways we
could adapt the focus to bring in health, diet, emotional well-being and
protective behaviours.
Kids Need…
is a simple and creative approach to exploring children’s needs and parents’
understanding and we will be recommending this to other colleagues working with
families. We found it was a non-threatening way to explore parent’s perceptions
without patronising them and opened up some honest dialogue. It can be used
across a lot of different presenting issues such as therapeutic work, family
support or assessment, when working with adults, children and young people,
individually or in groups. The graphics are relevant and humorous and the
resource can be adapted in lots of different ways, the only limit is your
imagination! The website (www.another-way.co.uk)
offers suggestions and other information, with a useful tick list that creates a
clear recording system.
Kathy Shaw
Childrens Services Manager, NSPCC
Leeds, UK
Human Givens
October 2008
"KIDS NEED... is a set of cards for professionals working
with parents and families, designed to help them creatively explore children's
needs and parent's knowledge. ... The cards are intended to be used as a means
of encouraging general discussions, as a therapeutic tool or as an aid to
assessing parenting skills.
Human givens Therapist Chris Dyas, who works with children, took a look at them.
His comments: 'These cards are well made, clearly illustrated, and make a
useful addition to my toolkit. They provide a gentle way of challenging
someone's parenting approach, and a way of helping children to challenge their
parents during a family therapy session ... the quality of the practitioner that
will determine how effective the tool is. A tool like this can be really helpful
for folk who are starting out in family work because they can help overcome
the anxiety of 'What do I say next?'"
Community Practitioner
August 2008
"RESOURCE OF THE MONTH"
"This pack of cards is designed to support a range of practitioners in
exploring children's needs. Focussing on what might or might not be important to
a child, they utilise ideas from social workers, parents and the assessment
framework. They are intended for use by anyone whose role is to support
families with parenting skills, but will appeal especially to health, social
care and educational professionals.
"A booklet explores how they may be used to support assessment, analysis
and planning. Themes include using them to support the assessment framework,
and they promote work with families, but also children and young people
themselves. The booklet explores the cards use in a therapeutic capacity to
support solution-focused communication, with a particularly interesting
section on cognitive dissonance. There are three header cards - 'Kids Need'
signified by a tick, 'kids sometimes need' with a tick and a cross, and 'kids
don't need' with a cross. The other cards have pictures depicting items such as
'cuddles', 'to be believed and listened to' and 'television'. The header cards
are laid down, and the practitioner asks the parent to place the picture cards
one at a time beneath the appropriate header card. As each is placed, the
practitioner can facilitate exploration and discussion with the parent
about why it has been placed under the heading. Plenty of examples of open
questions are also given in the booklet. The sessions are given a clear
format, with tips on making them as effective as possible.
"Playing this game with my daughter, I was amazed at how much discussion
it generated between us. They were easy to use, and the use of
pictures and symbols mean they are user friendly to parents with literacy
difficulties or for whom English is not their first language. Not only do
they give the opportunity to open up discussion and explore feelings,
they also give the practitioner an understanding of what parents' understanding
of their child's needs are, in order to facilitate client-generated changes to
behaviour. Sessions of 40 minutes to two hours are recommended, and the
benefits easily justify the initial time spent.
This is a good value tool to support preventative and supportive public
health work."
Reviewed by: Barbara Evans
Community nursery nurse
Leicestershire County and Rutland Primary Care Trust
The National Child Minding Association
March 2008
"... designed for Social Workers, Family
Therapists, Counsellors and Possibly Health Visitors.
"When I read the information booklet and instructions on how to use the cards, I
felt that it is a positive way to teach parents about parenting! ... if my Health Visitor used them
I would be more than happy to take part! (as a childminder) "I did try the cards out on the children in my care (Aged 5, 8 and 12), just to
see if the cards could be used in an educational way for them, rather than the
parents! I was quite impressed!
"I transformed it into a little game, explaining that there is no right or wrong
answer. I placed the cards down in front of us and drew cards from the pack. In
turn, the children decided what they thought to each card. For example,
one card said 'Fresh Fruit and Vegetables'. We had to decide whether Kids Need,
Kids Don't Need or Kids Sometimes Need this. All agreed that Kids Need this.
Another card said 'Trust Adults'. The 5 year old said Kids Need, the 8 year old
said Kids Sometimes Need and the 12 year old said Kids Don't need! But this then
led to a discussion about Strangers and how we can NOT trust ALL adults around
us! ... without even realising it, I can
educate the children about issues such as Healthy Eating, Protecting Yourself,
Feelings, etc.
"The cards are bright and colourful and easy to read. The illustrations are also
bright, cheerful and attractive to children. the pictures show a range of people
of different genders, race, disability and colour. The booklet is easy to follow
and the text is clear to me ... the book is small, so
that it fits into the box of cards. I give these cards 8/10."
CAFCASS
June 2008
" This 'Critique' cannot criticise this set of cards in any way
" It provides a more informal methods of getting information in a
non-threatening manner
" The picture format makes it an ideal tool for use with people with literacy
problems, younger or the less able parent
" It could be used to good effect to facilitate discussion and open up
dialogue
" I can envisage putting it to good use in Private Law (as well as the more
obvious Public Law scenarios) as the cards would enable a parent to focus on
their child's needs at a time when they are usually embroiled in their own
emotional needs
" These cards could also be adapted for use with children and would be a fun
way of ascertaining the child's perspective on their need
" Altogether a simple yet effective tool for practitioners and highly
recommended
Joy Ripley"
Kids Need… cards present a creative
approach to exploring children's needs and parents' understanding. Each card
features a child’s ‘need’, for example ‘a room of their own’, ‘pocket money’,
‘to make mistakes’ or ‘to be criticized’, and participants are invited to place
cards under one of the three header cards: ‘Kids Need’, ‘Kids Sometimes Need’
and ‘Kids Don’t Need’. The cards are designed to be flexible and adaptable, and
can be used to encourage general discussions and negotiations within the family, as therapeutic tool,
with parents or children, or as an aid
to the assessment of parenting skills.
Kids Need… is a fun, accessible and
effective game that is particularly useful to professionals working with
parents and families, including social care workers, counselors and educators.
Kids Need... is a
user-friendly tool (a set of illustrated cards and instruction booklet) that will help
social work practitioners or therapists to work together with parents and carers
in partnership. Kids
Need… can have some very powerful effects with parents who are struggling.
People like using them:
I have had some
very positive feedback from parents who have bought the cards for themselves to
use with their own families.
 It is crucially
important that service users participate in any assessment process. Some
families are hostile to the whole assessment process and a
shared task like ‘Kids Need’ can make the process easier for clients, enabling
them to communicate more freely. It overcomes
resistance and allows carers to feel that their existing abilities are valued,
whilst keeping the child at the centre of the picture.
This is a
non-threatening way for families to get involved in a deep and shared investigation of what
children actually need and enables them to
discuss the contribution they make in responding to
those needs. It enables clients to explore the factors in children’s
lives that positively or negatively influence their upbringing.
And it makes it easier to voice those aspects of parenting where they may need
to do things differently.
Contents (Instruction booklet): Introduction. Who can use
them? Why use cards? Using the Cards. Recording the session. Solution-focused
communication. A therapeutic tool. Cognitive dissonance. An assessment tool.
Analysis and planning. How do the cards fit in with the Assessment Framework?
The difference between saying and doing. It all adds up. Working with children
and young people. Working with individuals and groups. More ideas. Ending the
session. How long does it take. The Author. Acknowledgements. Useful Reading.
All of the illustrations on this website are from Kids Need...
Kids Need…
Cards for
practitioners working with families and carers.
These
user-friendly cards are for use by parents and carers, and anybody working with
them. This is a tool
that will help practitioners and parents work together in partnership to explore
parents’ perceptions of what children really need. ‘Kids Need…’ is a very simple
game which can have some very powerful effects on parents who are struggling.
Why use cards?
Using cards helps
clients to feel relaxed; they don’t feel threatened or that they are being
interviewed by somebody with a clipboard and a lot of questions with tick boxes.
Cards help you to get closer, to participate, to open a real and honest
dialogue. Closer to the reality of the clients’ life and so closer to the truth,
(Hamer 2005). Direct work with families demands effective communication and
engagement skills, (HM Government 2005) and using tools like ‘Kids Need …’ can
aid practitioners to engage with individuals in family centres or the family
home in a non-threatening and solution focussed way.
Who can use them?
The cards are for
practitioners from any discipline whose role it is either to assess parenting or
to work with parents and carers to enable them to increase their parenting
ability.
Parents can use
the cards themselves with their family to explore each members different
perceptions of needs, wants and responsibilities, helping the different members
to understand each others role and how they may conflict with other members
needs and wants.
A therapeutic tool
The cards can be
used either in either a therapeutic or an assessment context. Exploring the
ideas on the cards can have a very positive effect on parents and carers and
have been seen to lead to some positive behavioural changes.
-
The cards
increase self-knowledge, promote self-motivational statements and create a
context for planning to change.
-
They help
carers to distinguish between ‘needs’ and ‘wants’.
-
They help
carers to clarify their own understanding of how they may need to change
their parenting.
-
They help
carers to understand that their needs and their children’s needs are not
always the same.
-
Using the
cards can open up discussion about age appropriateness and help parents to
consider how they will respond to their children’s changing needs as they
develop and mature.
-
Often there is
a difference between what people say they believe, and how they behave. The
cards can help to develop a cognitive dissonance and this in itself can
spark a positive change in parental behaviour. Parents and carers will often
be seen changing their minds as they think through the issues they are
presented with and realising that they need to take responsibility for
things they hadn’t thought about.
-
Analysis is
built in to the process.
 Cognitive Dissonance
A powerful effect
of the cards is to create a cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is a
critical difference between what people’s values are about how they should
behave, and how they actually do behave. Giving people an opportunity to voice
their beliefs gives them an alternative way of behaving. This is a powerful
lever for change, the fact that they have discovered this disparity for
themselves creates an uncomfortable situation where desire to change is
maximised.
Cognitive
Dissonance is a theory that is used in Motivational Interviewing and Brief
Solution Focussed Therapy. You'll read about this in the booklet included with
the cards.
An assessment tool
The cards may also
be used as an assessment tool using a variety of frameworks. They particularly
support the needs of practitioners in the UK using the Framework for the
Assessment of Children in Need and their Families. The cards will help you to
work in partnership with carers, as recommended in the framework for assessment.
To work in partnership you need to overcome resistance and to form a
co-operative working relationship that allows carers to be respected whilst
keeping the child at the centre of the picture. The cards will help workers to
explore both needs and strengths, to explore the factors in children’s lives
that positively or negatively influence their upbringing and to analyse and
develop a plan of intervention. They are a non-threatening way to get involved
in some deep and shared discussions about what parents/carers feel is important
in a child’s life and what resources they are able to provide, and so they allow
you to make good solid assessments based on an open and honest communication.
The cards may be
used during the Initial Assessment phase but will be more suited when
undertaking a Core Assessment, as the depth of information you can obtain using
this tool is comprehensive.
If you are using
the cards as part of your assessment process you will need to bear in mind that
this, like any other assessment process is likely to create change.
The task when
making an assessment is threefold:
-
Gather
information.
-
Analyse how
different aspects relate to and affect each other,
-
Plan an
intervention based on that analysis.
DoH 2000
The focus of this
tool is to take a holistic approach to assessment as intended by the assessment
framework and to go much further than merely identifying ‘bad parenting’. Using
these cards will allow practitioners to engage in a shared investigation, across
all three domains, which acknowledges the expertise of the subject and allows
them to engage in a full analysis leading to the development and promotion of
protective resources and skills.
Analysis and planning
Analysis and
planning are fundamental to this tool. Problems and solutions will present
themselves as a natural part of the process. In the example above we have come
to a point where the carer is saying that s/he feels tired all the time and
possibly they spend a lot of time arguing. This opens up discussion about the
nature, cause and participants of the arguments. If you do a similar exploration
with each of the cards, you can see that pretty soon you are going to have a
very clear picture of the strengths, the possibilities, the difficulties and the
resources that the family has and a clear understanding of what resources may
need to be provided. We are using the carer’s own understanding of how the
family functions, his or her expertise in solving problems in the past, his or
her resources and skills. With such an assessment we do not have to make any
guesses at what needs to be done next.
How do the cards
fit in with the assessment framework.
When we use the
word ‘Needs’ in the context of these cards, we are looking at what parents and
carers have to do and what they have to provide for the child, to ensure that
the child’s needs are being met. With this definition it would appear that we
are focussing mainly on the ‘Parenting Capacity’ domain of the Assessment
Framework. In fact the cards have been designed to address every dimension of
that particular domain. However as you will know the assessment framework is
designed to be holistic, and the various dimensions interact with and influence
each other. This requires careful exploration during assessment with the
ultimate aim being to understand how those dimensions and their interactions
affect the children in the family. The caregivers perceptions of all three
domains can provide vital information.
Any holistic
assessment is by definition going to explore more than just one discrete area,
and you will find the cards useful when exploring parenting capacity and carers
perceptions of all three domains of the framework. That is what makes this tool
so powerful, you get a whole picture of the carers’ point of view that is not
isolated in time or concept and that explores the ecology of the situation. In
this respect it goes further than focusing on just one domain of the framework
and allows you to explore the carers perception of the child’s developmental
needs, the carers capacity to respond appropriately to those needs and carers
perceptions of environmental factors which have an impact on the family.
There is an A4 a
recording sheet on the website
Click Here that you can download and photocopy. I have also
numbered each of the cards to aid a quick recording of the session. The numbers on the cards have no other function.
Using
a card exercise like this is far more likely to get you closer to the truth and
to enable the carer to be open and learn to trust you, than many other kinds of
assessment you are likely to come across.
Working with
Children and Young People
The illustrations
on the cards are designed not to be patronising to adults but also to be child
friendly. The concepts on the cards are universal and easily allow workers to
explore young people’s perceptions of what they are provided with and what they
need. The process is the same as that used with carers, the only difference is
that you are asking the children what they feel their own needs are. This can be
very enlightening for young people, especially when they find themselves saying
things like: “No I don’t really need Occasional Treats, it is just that I
would like them more often than I get them” and “Well I suppose that I do
need to go to school whether I want to or not, if I want to get a decent
job. It is just that I don’t want to.” Workers also get a wonderful
opportunity to enable children to understand that their parents and carers
consider their wants but have to prioritise their needs.
 The cards also
give young people the opportunity to challenge the way things are, or to discuss
the way they have been. Consider the impact on a young person who gets into a
discussion with you about their need to trust adults.
Working with
Individuals and Groups
The ‘Kids Need …’
cards can be used with families, groups or individuals. When working with groups
or couples, they allow people to discuss in a non-threatening way, the
differences in their priorities. With couples it is easy to create an
environment using the cards where couples can negotiate priorities and their
differing roles and responsibilities. The cards can also be used to open up
discussion about the difference between needs and wants and to explore how
children’s needs change as they grow and develop. The process again is the same
except each participant can discuss their perception and have the opportunity of
hearing how others feel about the subject. This opens up the opportunity for
negotiation, sharing or dividing responsibilities and just accepting that
sometimes it is a matter of saying ‘okay, you win this one but I really feel
strongly about that one’.
Click here for the recording
sheet (.pdf)
Order
your set now
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All material is
Copyright Mark Hamer 2006.
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